Dandelions

Perhaps it would be easier if the footsteps were four rather than two, but nothing's worth doing if you can't do it by yourself, if only to prove that you still have the ability, the knowledge. You can always rediscover what you thought you'd missed out on. You can never live the same moment twice, but a moment never dies and it's always ready to be born. Hold too tightly and it'll all slip through slender fingers that strain to reach truth but fall short and land on passion instead. Truth, that elusive beast, cannot be tamed. It cannot be caged. It cannot be owned. But it certainly can be felt.

You can push your body to the point of exhaustion, to the point of breakdown, to the point of pure and utter destruction. The soul will live on for as long as it pleases, regardless of you. Perhaps it's better to house it as it sees fit. That is if you believe you have a soul.

There's more to living than merely surviving, existing. There's more to happiness than the letters which comprise the word. There's always more to something than just the sum of its parts. That is if you believe you have a soul.

I have a soul. I've felt it in orgasmic moments of passion and erotic moments of bliss. I've heard it speak softly to me in the night as I lay on my side of the bed, the other occupied by a human form, and filled with the soul of a ghost which doesn't haunt me but rather comprises that which I long for. Not because I cannot live without it, but because I've lived it already, long ago, and desperately want it back. I am living in the now because that's all I'm allowed. Everything is temporary and while I know that... I don't relish it like I once did. I want to go beyond keeping it to myself.

Have I been selfish for far to long to learn how to live with what it looks that I cannot have? Am I beyond ever learning how to accept those things I cannot change? Certainly not. Sometimes in the night, I curl up in the laughter of love and in those moments, I can still see so clearly. A moment within a moment. Is that possible? Am i insane? To be touched by the sound of laughter in this way goes beyond any physical contact. To feel golden embers of splattered life transcending the physical and conquering the metaphysical to a point of joy. These moments are what life is made of.

For a moment I think I wouldn't change a thing. Gleaning from a stream of consciousness, I realized that dandelions are yellow. And, it's the yellow of friendship whose tune fills my mind and vibrates out through my smile. Can there be hope in the tattered ruins of a tortured empire? Nietzsche would say hope in reality is the worse of all evils because it prolongs the torment of man. Maybe he is right. Or maybe the reality is that the empire isn't so tattered. Maybe the reality is that there is hope. Is hope in hope a bad thing? A good thing? Shall we get beyond good and evil? Is indifference the best of all states because one is simply beyond?

No talk of indifference today. I am not indifferent. I care not to be indifferent with such matters of the heart. Because you can starve a body and you can starve a soul and you can starve a heart, but in the end the fate is far worse than not having hope. Or having hope if you have nothing with which to at least choose to have or to have not. I ask again do we have a soul? Is it a part of us, an extension of us, is it us? Is it whole? Are there soul mates and body mates? Do some people choose their physical mate and never get beyond the mundane while some pick their soul mate and transcend it all? Do some people have a soul mate and a wholly separate body mate?

I have a soul. I have hope. The truth is I know. What did i say about the truth? What did Nietzsche say about hope? What does strangelove say? Feel. Being numb only ends in a whole lot of pain. There's more to life than floating through...but one can truly float when one truly lives.